• Stoner Jokes and Funny 420 Jokes


A collection of funny 420 jokes about marijuana to share with your friends or other stoners.

*Stoner and the Genie Joke
There's a stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, "Hey I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks." The stoner says, "Alright, Man." The genius asks the stoner, "What is the Pythagorean Theory?" The stoner replies, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks. "Okay," the stoner says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?" The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. he hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, "So, what is the answer?" The stoner says, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks.

*420 Stoner
A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the dude at the counter, “Got any weed?” The man politely replied, “Um, no sir. We do not sell marijuana here.” So he left. The same guy comes back the next day and says, “Got any weed? You know, 420 man” The man behind the counter, although slightly annoyed, patiently replied, “No sir. We don’t sell marijuana.” So the man went home.

He goes once again to the gas station. And again, he says to the guy working there, “Got any weed?” By this time the other dude was pissed. He yells, “You freakin’ refer-lovin’, pot-head burn-out! I told you, we don’t sell that crap here! If you ever come back in here asking for that filthy crap again, I’ll nail your freaking feet to the floor. Got it? Now beat it before I call the cops.” So the stoner left.

The next day he went back to the same old place with a dopey smile on his face. He went to the cashier and said, “Got any nails?” The man hesitated, then replied, “um, no sir, we don’t sell nails here.” The stoner grinned. “Got any weed?”

*You know your stoner when:
You flip through ten channels on the TV before you realize you were just trying to turn up the volume.
You have the munchie food right in front of you and you forget to eat 'em.
You light a cigarette and forget to smoke it.
You smoke a cigarette that's not lit.
You stare at the clock waiting for 4:20 to come, then you snap out of it and realize it was 4:31.
You have a freshly packed bowl in your hand and half an hour later you realize... You forgot to smoke it.
You're on the phone with your best friend and you forget who you're talking to.
You went to the Superbowl thinking you were gonna get smoked out!
You know you're a stoner when you start eating before your food comes!
You know you're stoned when you are looking for your cigarette and it is in your hand!

*What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
Mr. President.

*Police Officer: "How high are you?
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

*What do you call one bowl between three tokers?

*What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?
A pot hole!!

*How do you know you are a true stoner?
When your bong gets washed more than your dishes.

*What do a bad football team and a pothead have in common?
They both get blitzed!

*How do you hide pot from a hippie?
Put it in his work boots.

*How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!

*What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock?
A Liar.

*What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?
Drug Abuse.

*Got A Light
A stoner is walking down the street when he realizes he left his lighter at his friend's house. He goes back to get it and when he gets there, his friend isn't home. So he just keeps knocking on the door and his friend comes up from behind him and says, "Hello?" The other stoner yells through the door, "You still got my lighter man!" The friend behind the stoner said, "Hold on, let me get it." He reaches in his pocket, pulls out the lighter, walks inside, shuts the door, opens the door back up, and says, "Hello?"

*Cops and Stoners
A Cop pulls over a car full of stoners. The cop goes up to the car and the driver rolls down the window and the cop said '"Congratulations! You have won two thousand dollars for wearing your seat belt!" The driver says, "Oh, I thought you pulled me over for not having a license!" Then the driver's girlfriend says, "Don't mind him, he's just stoned." Then a friend in the back seat says, "I thought you pulled us over for this pound or weed over here!" Then another friend from the back says, "I thought you pulled us for this stolen car!" Then the cop hears someone in the trunk say, "Are we over the border yet man?"

*Stoner Goes Fishing
A stoner wants to learn about ice fishing. So he gathers all the necessary equipment and goes to the nearest frozen ice. About 20 feet out he cuts a hole in the ice. "There's no fish there!" booms a voice. "The stoner shrugs and moves out another 50 feet and starts to cut another hole. "There's no fish there, either!" booms the voice. The stoner shouts, "Is that you God?" "No," says the voice, "I own the fucking ice rink!"

*Potato Head
Three stoners rob a 7-11. They run out with the money. The cops started to chase them. They each jumped in a potato bag to try and hide. The cops catch up and kicked the first potato bag. "BARK!" says the first stoner. The cops say, "Oh it's a dog, leave it alone." They kicked the second potato bag. "MEOW!" says the second stoner. The cops say oh it's a cat leave it alone. They then kicked the third potato bag. They kicked it again. And again. And again. The stoner could not think of something to say. The cops kicked it again. "POTATO!" said the stoner.

*Pull Over
Two stoners were driving down the street sharing a joint when all of a sudden they were pulled over by the cops. The cop walks to the car and says: "License and registration please." So the stoner gives him his license and the cop looks at him and says: "Can I have your name son?" The stoner looks at him confused like and says: "Isn't it on the card?"

*Did you hear about the stoner that locked his keys in the car?
He couldn't get his family out for an hour!

*How many stoners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. That's why they got a lighter.

*How many stoners COULD it take to screw in a light bulb?
We don't know yet, we keep falling off the chair!

*How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
Who cares, dude? It was too bright anyway, now pass the bong.

*How can you tell if someone is a true stoner?
They read the short jokes and skip the long ones.

*What happens when a stoner throws a blue rock into the Red Sea?
It gets wet!

*What do you call a roach stuck on the end of a toothpick?
Pot on a stick!

*What do you say when you see a big, fat joint walking down the road?
Hey it's a big, fat joint!

*What did the stoner with the blunt say to the other stoner?
Man, don't make me fuck you up.

*What did the paper say to the weed right before they left?
Let's roll!

*How do all stoners stories start?
One time when I was high...

*Why did the pothead cross the road?
Because there was no other way to get back to where he came from... He couldn't even remember why he'd crossed the road in the first place. In fact, he didn't even remember, by the time he reached the center line, which direction he came from and which direction he was going, so he just stopped right there and sat down and smoked a bowl.

*Why did the hippie cut his lawn?
To get some grass.

*How do you get a stoner out of a room full of weed?
You don't!